so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
