I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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