I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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