he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I need a beard to bite.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
