We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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