We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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