You just made me feel so damn special
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
