White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
