My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Randomize