Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
