i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize