We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
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