Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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