we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
