Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
