what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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