I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
