so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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