we have pet lesbian snakes
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
