I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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