he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
