I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
