jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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