Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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