i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize