sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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