every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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