So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
