one word: firstdatebathroomanal
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
