woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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