so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
