things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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