he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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