Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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