either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
