According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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