sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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