You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
