What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
