Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
