my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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