I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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