How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
