It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
