weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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