i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
