just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
