Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
