Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
