So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
