Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize