So drunk its hurt
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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