Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
