woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
