Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
