he shaved USA in his pubs
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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