I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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