Barsexuality is the new black.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
