Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
