Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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