i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
