My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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