we have pet lesbian snakes
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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