I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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